Bernard Engraving - Fairfield, CT Fun Plaques - Text

3" x 5-1/2" Adhesive Backed. Except where noted.
Raised gold letters and borders with adhesive strips.

All Plaques are ALL CAPS
FP-001 Panic Button (graphic) (Red / White)(2-1/2" x 3-3/4")
FP-002 Relief Relief (boat graphic) (Red / White)
FP-003 Notice to Landlubbers Notice to Landlubbers A marine toilet (we call it a "head") is a complicated mechanism. If you toss even the smallest thing into it-even a paper matchstick or a hank of hair-it will probably choke. AND THERE ARE NO PLUMBERS AT SEA! If you have never operated one before, the skipper or mate will be glad to show you how.
FP-004 We run a tight Ship WE RUN A TIGHT SHIP However, lately some of us have been getting tight a little too often!
FP-005 Pilot's seat only NOTICE! This watercraft is operated from the pilot's seat only! Those not liking the manner in which it is being operated kindly notice the piece of mistletoe attached to the skipper's coat tail.
FP-006 Swell ship This is a swell ship for the skipper but a hell ship for the crew
FP-007 Notice the head NOTICE Please do not put anything into the "HEAD" unless you have eaten it first
FP-008 Marriages performed Marriages performed by the captain of this vessel are good for the duration of this voyage only
FP-009 I am the captain I am the captain of this ship and I have my wife's permission to say so
FP-010 CAPTAINS WORD The captain's word is law
FP-011 To my crew To my crew Please be reasonable and do it my way The captain
FP-012 Welcome aboard Welcome aboard Relax our ship doesn't always look like this Sometimes it's worse
FP-013 Cocktail Hour Cocktail hour aboard 0700 to 0659 daily and Sundays
FP-014 I'm not a fast captain I'm not a fast captain I'm not a slow captain I'm a half-fast captain the captain
FP-015 This is my ship This is my ship and I'll do as I Damn please
FP-016 Gamblers & Fancy women NOTICE- All gamblers & fancy women must register with the captain before boat leaves dock
FP-017 Opinions Expressed The Opinions expressed by the "CAPTAIN" of this vessel are not necessarily those of the "MANAGEMENT"
FP-018 In these isles In these isles of sun & fun we never flush for number one
FP-019 Vast projects Don't start vast projects with half vast ideas
FP-020 My Husband My husband is the CAPTAIN but I've been appointed ADMIRAL
FP-021 My JOB MY JOB It's not my job to run the yacht; the horn I cannot blow It's not my job to say how far the yacht's allowed to go. It's not my job to throttle down, or even clang the bell-but let the damn thing hit the dock and see who catches hell!
FP-022 I must be successful I must be successful I owe everybody The captain
FP-023 Like a woman Like a woman, The rigging costs more than the hull
FP-024 All fishermen are liars All fishermen are liars except you and me and I'm not so sure about you
FP-025 Definition of a "yacht" Definition of a "yacht" If you ask, "how much"? You can't afford it
FP-026 SAVE WATER SAVE WATER Shower with a friend
FP-027 Men & Boys The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys
FP-028 Collision at sea A collision at sea can ruin your entire day
FP-029 Be Tolerant Be tolerant of THE SKIPPER who disagrees with you He has the right to his RIDICULOUS OPINION
FP-030 OUR CAPTAIN is always right Our Captain is always right misinformed perhaps, sloppy, crude, bullheaded, fickle, even stupid, but, NEVER WRONG!
FP-031 Lindsay's Law LINDSAY'S LAW When your draft exceeds the water's depth you are most assuredly aground
FP-032 No Smoking Positively NO SMOKING allowed (Red / White)
FP-033 Our skipper is a wise OUR SKIPPER is a wise, creative, strong, clever, amazingly popular human being. Who, unfortunately, happens to be an irritating, obnoxious, conceited, no good son if a bitch!
FP-034 Our captain says Our captain says "If you can't dazzle them -with brilliance- baffle them with bullshit!"
FP-035 Once I thought Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken
FP-036 Soft shoes Please SOFT SHOES only
FP-037 Green to Green Green to Green Red to Red all is well go ahead. When in danger or in doubt run in circles, scream and shout
FP-038 Old Sailors Old sailors never die they just get a little dinghy
FP-039 Thank you for not smoking Thank you for not smoking
FP-040 Free beer tomorrow Free beer tomorrow
FP-041 Sign Checks My job is to sit on the weather rail and sign checks The owner
FP-042 Murphy's law MURPHY'S LAW Anything than can go wrong- will at the worst possible time
FP-043 Crew's that think Crews that think they know everything are very annoying to me because I am one of the few that does The skipper
FP-044 Put it all together This crew finally put it all together however they forgot where they put it
FP-045 Two things The skipper only does two things wrong Everything he says and everything he does
FP-046 Soar with the eagles It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys
FP-047 Life or death Boating is not a matter of life or death It's more important than that
FP-048 Sailing season We interrupt this Marriage for the duration of the Sailing Season
FP-049 Fishing Season We interrupt this Marriage for the duration of the fishing Season
FP-050 Why be difficult Why be difficult when with a little more effort you can be impossible
FP-051 Coming home No matter where you may roam the best part is coming home
FP-052 Early to bed Early to bed early to rise fish like hell and make up lies
FP-053 Three dimensions Boats come in three dimensions Length, Width and Debt
FP-054 Hole in the water A boat is a hole in the water Surrounded by fiberglass into which you throw money
FP-055 Fiberglass trees If god meant for us to have fiberglass boats he would have planted fiberglass trees
FP-056 Get lost I'll never get lost everyone tells me where to go
FP-057 With my luck With my luck when my ship comes in I'll be at the airport
FP-058 Tasks Worth Doing Tasks worth doing and friends worth having make life worth living.
FP-059 Like concrete Some minds are like concrete all mixed up and permanently set
FP-060 Taste Makes Waists Taste Makes Waists
FP-061 Robinson Crusoe Not even Robinson Crusoe could get everything done by Friday
FP-062 Catch up Just when you catch up with the Joneses they refinance
FP-063 Football season We interrupt this marriage to bring you the football season
FP-064 Lose you head Don't lose your head to gain a minute you need your head your brains are in it
FP-065 To be rich It's no longer a sin to be rich it's a miracle
FP-066 Soccer Soccer is not a matter of life or death It's more important than that
FP-067 Runs on gas This boat runs on gas not thanks
FP-068 Tennis is my racket Tennis is my racket
FP-069 Golfing links friends Golfing links friends
FP-070 God loves you and I'm trying God loves you and I'm trying
FP-071 Nurses have patience Nurses have patience
FP-072 Teachers Teachers have class
FP-073 Complaints Complaints will be carefully ignored
FP-074 Happiness is homemade Happiness is homemade
FP-075 Greatest MOM World's greatest mom
FP-076 Greatest DAD World's greatest dad
FP-077 Super Secretary Super Secretary
FP-078 Left handed genius Left handed genius
FP-079 I forgot to remember I forgot to remember
FP-080 Damn, I'm good Damn, I'm good
FP-081 Super Mom Super mom works here
FP-082 Over worked Over worked and underpaid
FP-083 Happiness is being a grandparent Happiness is being a grandparent
FP-084 Fast living Fast living and fast driving may get you to the finish line too soon
FP-085 There is no right way There is no right way to do the wrong thing
FP-086 Wanted Wanted a good woman who can clean and cook fish, dig worms, and owns boat, motor and trailer. Send picture of boat
FP-087 My wife told me My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't give up fishing. Damn I am going to miss that girl
FP-088 Bad Day A bad day on the boat is better than the best day at work

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